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Yes, he was broken too, despite the
perfect impression he gave on the
outside… on the inside, it was a
completely different truth.
Jay’s
world was
desolate, a drifting place of desecration.
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It was cold, gloomy, and grey, like a
lifeless land that was once
lush and
green, but ruined by disease, plagued and condemned by the wrath of
God.
This was what it
looked like to step into his world.
But there was a reason for
everything. Sex sex
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He was
not placed
into this
darkness by the divine
hands of
justice.
In fact, it was a severe injustice.
This wasn’t God’s punishment.
This was the prison Jay had built for
himself.
This was the
place he hid
the little boy
who had never grown up.
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Somewhere in the
center of his
personal limbo,
sat a
crying child, hugging
his bloodied
knees to his chest, hiding his
face and
lowering his
head like a turtle
seeking the
safety of its
shell.
If only he
really had a shell to protect him.
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If
only he had a pair of
loving arms that would wrap around his
fragile body and
shield him
from the horrors of
what he
had been exposed to.
If
only… if only.
There were
moments when I’d look at
this complex man, and
all I could see was that
ten year old boy begging for
love, desperate
for understanding, and dying for compassion.
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Jay constantly
tortured himself.
And that little boy, that innocent child, always paid the
price.
Every
time I felt that I
was getting closer to reaching
that damaged part of him, he would put a
great distance
between us so that I couldn’t
hold the boy
and comfort him.
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